Thursday, October 23, 2008

Gyao's Thoughts to Himself (3)

Today I’m gonna tell you about Big Pants, the stuffed rabbit.

I already told you how, in Mikey’s world, Big Pants is the Good Guy and I’m the Bad Guy. I told you how Big Pants and I are friends, too. The problem is why I have to pick on my friend, Big Pants. I told you about this, too, but I wanna explain things more cuz there’s a very deep-seeded reason for this, and I want you to understand this.

You see, I pick on Big Pants because I wanna make Mikey happy. Maybe, since I do this, you can’t really call me Big Pants’ true friend. But I think big Pants is patient with me cuz she understands where I’m coming from. And it’s not that she has to be patient for very long. When I pick on Big Pants, the Loan Ranger comes out fast and fights with me. Big Pants only has to wait until then. When things get dangerous, the Loan Ranger goes running off to the bank, gets some secret power there and comes back to finish me off. That makes Mikey happy. And it makes me happy to make Mikey happy. That’s why I close my eyes for a while when my friend, Big Pants, is having a hard time. I can’t help it.

But, when Mikey’s not around, Big Pants sometimes talks like this—

Big Pants: “Gyao, you’re spoiled and you’re a coward cuz you do things for Mikey when you know they’re not right.

Gyao: “I’m sorry, Big Pants. But both of us love Mikey; that’s why we take it and do things that are hard for us to do. Right? That’s right, isn’t it, Big Pants?”

Big Pants: “I don’t. When you’re picking on me, and it hurts, I yell, ‘Help! It hurts!’ That’s when the Loan Ranger comes and rescues me.”

Gyao: “You’re acting, though, right? You’re just pretending that it hurts, right?”

Big Pants: “I’m not pretending. It really does hurt. It really is painful.”
Gyao: “But there has to be a bad guy for the Loan Ranger to come out. I’m the bad guy so I have to pick on you.”

Big Pants: “That doesn’t make sense. That’s really weird.”

Gyao: “Maybe you can’t understand this cuz this is really mature, grown-up logic.”

Big Pants: “I don’t understand it at all. What you’re saying is really strange.”

I can’t make Big Pants understand this logic. But Big Pants and I love Mikey, so we don’t say anything more. That’s where our argument ends.

In this world, good things don’t happen unless you do something bad—that’s how things go. That’s really hard, grown-up logic. In our case, if I don’t pick on Big Pants, the Loan Ranger doesn’t make his entrance. This is an immovable and undeniable fact, so there’s nothing I can do. But Big Pants says something different. She says the Loan Ranger will come out even she and I are friends and get along. And she says, he won’t fight but will play together with us.

I think that logic is too naive. There’s no way that Mikey is going to like it if everyone gets along and plays together. Mikey wants to be the Loan Ranger who comes to save the day for justice. For there to be justice, there has to be evil. And justice crushes evil. That’s why I hold back my tears and play the Bad Guy so Mikey is happy. I “play” the Bad Guy, but I’m not “bad.” I’m a dinosaur and definitely not a monster! I really wish my friend, Big Pants, would understand this complicated, mature, grown-up logic.

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