Gyao's Thoughts to Himself (3)

Today I’m gonna tell you about Big Pants, the stuffed rabbit.

I already told you how, in Mikey’s world, Big Pants is the Good Guy and I’m the Bad Guy. I told you how Big Pants and I are friends, too. The problem is why I have to pick on my friend, Big Pants. I told you about this, too, but I wanna explain things more cuz there’s a very deep-seeded reason for this, and I want you to understand this.

You see, I pick on Big Pants because I wanna make Mikey happy. Maybe, since I do this, you can’t really call me Big Pants’ true friend. But I think big Pants is patient with me cuz she understands where I’m coming from. And it’s not that she has to be patient for very long. When I pick on Big Pants, the Loan Ranger comes out fast and fights with me. Big Pants only has to wait until then. When things get dangerous, the Loan Ranger goes running off to the bank, gets some secret power there and comes back to finish me off. That makes Mikey happy. And it makes me happy to make Mikey happy. That’s why I close my eyes for a while when my friend, Big Pants, is having a hard time. I can’t help it.

But, when Mikey’s not around, Big Pants sometimes talks like this—

Big Pants: “Gyao, you’re spoiled and you’re a coward cuz you do things for Mikey when you know they’re not right.

Gyao: “I’m sorry, Big Pants. But both of us love Mikey; that’s why we take it and do things that are hard for us to do. Right? That’s right, isn’t it, Big Pants?”

Big Pants: “I don’t. When you’re picking on me, and it hurts, I yell, ‘Help! It hurts!’ That’s when the Loan Ranger comes and rescues me.”

Gyao: “You’re acting, though, right? You’re just pretending that it hurts, right?”

Big Pants: “I’m not pretending. It really does hurt. It really is painful.”
Gyao: “But there has to be a bad guy for the Loan Ranger to come out. I’m the bad guy so I have to pick on you.”

Big Pants: “That doesn’t make sense. That’s really weird.”

Gyao: “Maybe you can’t understand this cuz this is really mature, grown-up logic.”

Big Pants: “I don’t understand it at all. What you’re saying is really strange.”

I can’t make Big Pants understand this logic. But Big Pants and I love Mikey, so we don’t say anything more. That’s where our argument ends.

In this world, good things don’t happen unless you do something bad—that’s how things go. That’s really hard, grown-up logic. In our case, if I don’t pick on Big Pants, the Loan Ranger doesn’t make his entrance. This is an immovable and undeniable fact, so there’s nothing I can do. But Big Pants says something different. She says the Loan Ranger will come out even she and I are friends and get along. And she says, he won’t fight but will play together with us.

I think that logic is too naive. There’s no way that Mikey is going to like it if everyone gets along and plays together. Mikey wants to be the Loan Ranger who comes to save the day for justice. For there to be justice, there has to be evil. And justice crushes evil. That’s why I hold back my tears and play the Bad Guy so Mikey is happy. I “play” the Bad Guy, but I’m not “bad.” I’m a dinosaur and definitely not a monster! I really wish my friend, Big Pants, would understand this complicated, mature, grown-up logic.

Gyao's Thoughts to Himself (2)

Let me tell you a little about Mikey.

Mikey is our master. A master is greater than those who serve him. A master looks after them. He plays with us, and he controls us, too. By “control” I mean he gives us life. He makes us move and talk and helps us to think we’re really “alive”. What I’m trying to say is that Mikey is like God. Our master is God and we’re his servants.

That’s why both Big Pants and I are happy to do what Mikey tells us to do. It doesn’t matter if it’s playing a Good Guy or a Bad Guy. But usually it turns out that Big Pants is the Good Guy and I’m the Bad Guy. In other words, Big Pants is weak and I’m strong. Then the Loan Ranger appears to punish me and teach me a lesson. But, you know, this guy is really the problem.

Mikey can control us as if he were God, but he can’t enter the stuffed animal world as he is. That’s because he’s bigger than us. He’s much, much, bigger than any stuffed animal in the whole world. That’s why the only way he can come into our world is by manipulating the stuffed animals. So, when he’s controlling the Loan Ranger, the Lone Ranger is Mikey. The Loan Ranger is really a snob, but since Mikey is inside controlling him, there’s nothing we can do. I pretend like the Loan Ranger beat me. But he’s really not the one who beats me; I’m letting Mikey who’s inside of him beat me. If I think of things in that way, I can take it, and I’m happy to take it, too.

The thing that does matter, though, is whether or not Mikey, when he’s the Loan Ranger, understands how we feel. Like when I’m the Bad Guy and go after Big Pants. That’s when the Loan Ranger comes in….

Loan Ranger: “Hey, Gyao, you mean and violent guy. Leave Big Pants alone!”

Gyao: “Mind your own business, you obnoxious guy, you! Big Pants is my servant, so I can be mean and violent with him if I want.”

Loan Ranger: “Stuffed animals are all equal. Big Pants has the right to live a free life.”

Gyao: “What do you mean by ‘right’? If there IS such a thing, show it to me.”

Loan Ranger: “You can’t see ‘rights’ but they exist and everyone has them.”

Gyao: “I don’t believe in things I can’t see. And I don’t care about things I don’t believe in.”

Loan Ranger: “Well, then, do you believe in money?”

Gyao: “I can see money and use it, too, so, sure, I believe in it.”

Loan Ranger: “Then here’s 10,000 yen. I’ll give it to you, so let Big Pants go.”

Gyao: “What? 10,000 yen? What can you buy with that?”

Loan Ranger: “You can buy about 100 mermaid-shaped sweet breads!”

Gyao: “That’s great. And where can I buy those mermaid-shaped sweet breads?”
Loan Ranger: “At a bakery in Shibuya called “Little Mermaid.”

Gyao: “Ok, then go and get them right now. I’ll let Big Pants go when you come back with them.”

Loan Ranger: I’m the Loan Ranger, so I only give the money out. Go buy them yourself!”

Gyao: “It’s too much trouble to go all the way to Shibuya!”

Loan Ranger: “Well, then, I’ll give you the cab fare, too.”

Gyao: “It’s too much trouble to try and find a cab!”

Loan Ranger: “What’s up with you, you, you MONSTER!”

I’m a dinosaur stuffed animal, not a monster. What I hate most is being called a monster. So, I get mad and go after the Loan Ranger.

Gyaooooooooooooooooo.

This is how, for example, the Loan Ranger and I start fighting. At first, I win, and then the guy goes running off to the bank. He gets powered up there and comes back and tries all these tricks and stunts on me. And I end up losing. Then, like he always does, the Loan Ranger shouts like this—

“My money has the most power in the whole market!”

But, you know, to be honest, I don’t like playing this part. Big Pants is my friend, so I don’t like picking on him and giving him a hard time. But Mikey tells me to “pick on him” so I do it, but my heart’s not really in it. Bad Guys do bad things for the people they love, but they’re actually crying on the inside. So, when this play is over, I wish Mikey would say, even if it’s in a whisper…

“I’m sorry, Gyao. I know you’re really a good little guy…”

- MT

Gyao's Thoughts to Himself

I’m a stuffed toy dinosaur and my name is Gyao. I’ve spent quite a long time tucked away in the closet so I’m smelling a little moldy. The dad in this house brought me out for the first time in a while today, so I’m in a bright, sunny place now.

I’m very happy! Gyaooooooooooo!! (That’s dinosaur-talk!)
But, when he sat me on top of the table, the missus said,
“Don’t put that dirty thing on the table!”
He didn’t say a word.

I wish he had said something. She’s got her nerve calling me “dirty”! I’m dirty cuz I played a lot with their kids. Getting dirty is my job! I’m happy to get dirty cuz that means I’m popular. That means they’re going to play with me.

I had a friend who was a stuffed toy rabbit whose name was “Big Pants.” I played with him a lot. He was a pink rabbit with a pair of huge sky-blue pants on. His face eventually got grey. That’s cuz they used him as a pillow. Even then, he was happy cuz he got to be with little Mikey all through the night. I was the bad guy and growled, “Gyaooooooo” and went after Big Pants. That’s when the “Loan Ranger”—he was the good guy—would enter. He had eyes like eggs and wore a shiny, kinda glittery, jumpsuit. He thought he was so cool. He thought he was like Ultraman.

The Loan Ranger and I would fight.
At first, I’d get him good. Really good.
But the Loan Ranger would get stronger whenever he went to the bank.
Then he’d kick me in the shins or come back at me with an uppercut to the jaw.
Actually, I could beat that Loan Ranger up very easily. But Mikey, whom I love a lot, always tells me “to lose” so I pretend to.
That’s when that Loan Ranger, who thought he was so cool, shouts that he’s the winner: “My money has the most power in the whole market!”

I don’t really know what a “market” is. But I think it’s the same as the world.
The most powerful thing in the whole world isn’t money.
Mikey’s happy cuz there are stuffed animals like me and Big Pants who play with him until we’re all dirty.
Mikey turns into the Loan Ranger, saves Big Pants and finishes me off.

But Big Pants is my friend so I go easy on him.
I hit him but I’m not really hitting him.
I pretend like I bite him, but I’m not really biting him.
Big Pants and I are like actors.
We both are happy to do what Mikey tells us to.
That’s because we love Mikey.

Then our Mikey grew up and left us behind.
The missus said he started working at a securities company.
I wonder if Mikey is shouting, “The power of money is the greatest in the world!” there, too?
I wonder who’s playing the good guy and the bad guy now?
I think I wanna ask the dad of this house soon.

- MT